'To forgive' does not mean 'to forget'. It is easy to say, but very difficult to get really 'to forgive' what is it? I cannot forget what was done for me, it is too much pain, and this pain was hidden inside many many years. It is all the time with me, never leave me alone. Do I want to remember it? Not at all. I wish I can forget, and I cannot forget it. I wish I forgive, but I have no one idea what is it and how to do so. If forgiveness will free me from my painful memory, I am happy to forgive. But my memory stay with me, regardless if I forgave or not. So, really, to forgive, what is this about?
If N one who did bad things for me and now I have to forgive N then it is depend what this N doing now. If N still around me, then there are a few possibilities:
N will stop to hurt me;
I will move away from N to be sure N never would be able to hurt me anymore;
All stay as it is and I accept that N hurt me. I try to forgive to survive.
There are another possibility. N is not around. Actually N already gone and there is no way N can hurt me anymore. What is in this case? If I forgive N or not has no any meaning for N. It still hurt me. Probably even more now when N is gone and N never will pay for what he (she) done for me. This hurt and stay with me. My inability to forgive and move on hurt me, hold me back.
There are our Dreams come to help. In my dream I see N, and N still hurt me. But different then in reality, I fight, I resist, and I hurt N back. The act I never had done in reality, I do in Dream. It still hurt. It still pain, emotional pain. But when night passed, the dream staid in past, and step by step I can move on from painful past.
It is right. There is no need to forget. It is wrong that we have 'to forgive'. It is all the time told, we need to forgive someone because of it is good for us. The problem is, I do not see I get better. I still hold this pain, and it still hurt. When in dream I fight it is like I fight in real word, in past when I just took life as it was, and let N hurt me. Never fight back. Now I do, I fight. Does not matter if N is already gone. I think we do not leave this word as we never had been here. Actually I do believe we have Soul and this Soul take over all our Sins and wrong doing. The same as it take all right things we do. But in case of N it does not matter. I do not think about N. I simple try to move on.
Why do I need to fight N if it is already past? Why do I need to fight N in my dreams? Because of in this case I changing. My inner Soul is changing. And there is no way that another n will be able to hurt me. This is why I have to fight. To see that fight is my protection, my survival. It is I who done wrong with N. It is I who let N hurt me. I have to be able to fight, to find my way to protect myself. This is why I have to do so.
Dream help me to understand N was bad person. No need to pretend, it was all right. Not at all. N does not deserve to be forgiven. I need to move on, and it does not mean I have to forgive N. It is not my duty. It is not my responsibility. We all responsible for our own actions. I am responsible for mine. I have to move on. Not to forgive or forget but to learn from my mistakes or weakness, and recovery to be stronger, emotionally stable. In this case N not able to hurt me anymore. N stop to exist for me. I do remember all, but it is all 'Past', it is all "it was" and not I do have life and future without pain caused by N.
If N one who did bad things for me and now I have to forgive N then it is depend what this N doing now. If N still around me, then there are a few possibilities:
N will stop to hurt me;
I will move away from N to be sure N never would be able to hurt me anymore;
All stay as it is and I accept that N hurt me. I try to forgive to survive.
There are another possibility. N is not around. Actually N already gone and there is no way N can hurt me anymore. What is in this case? If I forgive N or not has no any meaning for N. It still hurt me. Probably even more now when N is gone and N never will pay for what he (she) done for me. This hurt and stay with me. My inability to forgive and move on hurt me, hold me back.
There are our Dreams come to help. In my dream I see N, and N still hurt me. But different then in reality, I fight, I resist, and I hurt N back. The act I never had done in reality, I do in Dream. It still hurt. It still pain, emotional pain. But when night passed, the dream staid in past, and step by step I can move on from painful past.
It is right. There is no need to forget. It is wrong that we have 'to forgive'. It is all the time told, we need to forgive someone because of it is good for us. The problem is, I do not see I get better. I still hold this pain, and it still hurt. When in dream I fight it is like I fight in real word, in past when I just took life as it was, and let N hurt me. Never fight back. Now I do, I fight. Does not matter if N is already gone. I think we do not leave this word as we never had been here. Actually I do believe we have Soul and this Soul take over all our Sins and wrong doing. The same as it take all right things we do. But in case of N it does not matter. I do not think about N. I simple try to move on.
Why do I need to fight N if it is already past? Why do I need to fight N in my dreams? Because of in this case I changing. My inner Soul is changing. And there is no way that another n will be able to hurt me. This is why I have to fight. To see that fight is my protection, my survival. It is I who done wrong with N. It is I who let N hurt me. I have to be able to fight, to find my way to protect myself. This is why I have to do so.
Dream help me to understand N was bad person. No need to pretend, it was all right. Not at all. N does not deserve to be forgiven. I need to move on, and it does not mean I have to forgive N. It is not my duty. It is not my responsibility. We all responsible for our own actions. I am responsible for mine. I have to move on. Not to forgive or forget but to learn from my mistakes or weakness, and recovery to be stronger, emotionally stable. In this case N not able to hurt me anymore. N stop to exist for me. I do remember all, but it is all 'Past', it is all "it was" and not I do have life and future without pain caused by N.
via Ravenvoron
No comments:
Post a Comment